Pain and laughter...

To look into your eyes and understand you, i fail miserably, a first for me...
Seeing you from afar, watching you be, is the biggest punishment i've given myself...
I'm bound to you, yet you are not to me, my biggest weakness is you,
You stop me in my tracks, where ever i am, whatever i do...
Whatever i do, however deeply i'm involved in it,
There's always a moment i'm out of all that and thinking just about you...
Even in my deepest pain, loneliest moment, i see your face and remember your laughter,
And i cry not by the pain, but by your laughter...
When i'm dead tired, completely exhausted and bereft of all energy, i close my eyes and there you are,
I dunno from where you come, however deep i carve myself out, i still find you and can't remove you.
I'm torn into two, torn apart, i can't find myself, i'm lost and forgot...
I know i'm there, i know i can find, but the will to put myself at a task,
To work at it steadfast, is what i lack now, a restrain that pulls me back from doing what is necessary...
I'm not afraid, things cannot get anyworse, i'm ready to face the music and sing and dance with it,
Only i dunno exactly how to go about doing it...